Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
