Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
