im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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