guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
