Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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