just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I want her autograph on my taint
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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