Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
