he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
