is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
