Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
