Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
