i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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