every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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