all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
whose ass print is on the piano?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
