Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
