Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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