so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
