Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
She's JV to your varsity
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
