my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
