Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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