I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
