how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
