Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
