Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
