is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
