You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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