There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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