Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
