your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
