I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
