so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
