Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
