I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
