Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
My feet surprised me
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
