I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize