omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Everything about him screamed your future.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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