My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize