i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
What drink are we having for lunch?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
