I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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