Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
