I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize