I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I can't put those talents on a resume
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
