Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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