so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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