so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize