You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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