How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
