They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
