it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
