I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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