Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
