I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
