We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I think people are normalizing furries
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
