I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize