We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
