I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
