well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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