Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
