the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
