my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
