the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize