I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
