Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
