I'm going to jail i love you
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
