Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
