Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
do herpes really smell.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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