good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
In other news, I just burned my penis
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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